I was coaching a brilliant project manager last year who couldn’t understand why her ideas weren’t landing. “I explain everything clearly,” she told me. “I give all the details, all the context. But people’s eyes glaze over.” I watched her present in a team meeting the following week and immediately saw the problem. She was talking at people, not with them. And she wasn’t listening.
Here’s the communication mistake most professionals make: they focus entirely on what they want to say instead of what the other person needs to hear. They prepare their message, deliver it perfectly, and wonder why it doesn’t resonate. But influence doesn’t come from brilliant speaking. It comes from strategic listening.
The Greek philosopher Epictetus said, “We have two ears and one mouth so we can listen twice as much as we speak.” This isn’t just ancient wisdom — it’s practical career advice. When you listen more than you speak, people feel heard. When people feel heard, they trust you. When they trust you, they’re influenced by you. If you want to communicate better and increase your influence, start by listening more.
Active listening means giving someone your full attention. It means putting your phone away, making eye contact, and focusing entirely on what they’re saying instead of planning your response. Show you’re engaged by nodding and encouraging them to continue. When they finish, confirm you heard the key points by repeating them back: “So what I’m hearing is…” This simple practice builds trust and connection faster than any perfectly crafted pitch.
But listening alone isn’t enough. You also need to structure your message strategically based on who you’re talking to and what they need. If someone’s pressed for time, get to your most important point immediately. Don’t bury the lead with background information they don’t have time for. If they have more time available, build up to your key message with context and details that help them understand the full picture.
Choose your reasoning approach carefully. Use deductive reasoning when you need to make a fact-based argument. Start with your primary statement — the main point you’re trying to prove. Support it with secondary statements that back up your claim. Then provide facts or data as tertiary points that prove each secondary statement. For example: “We should invest in this initiative” (primary). “It will increase customer retention” (secondary). “Our pilot showed 25% improvement in retention over six months” (tertiary).
Use inductive reasoning when you don’t have solid facts or when you’re building a more exploratory, opinion-based case. Start with your primary thought, then share observations, current situation analysis, and perspectives that flow naturally. This approach feels more conversational and is useful for strategic discussions where you’re building shared understanding rather than proving a point.
Match your communication style to the situation and the person. A senior executive might need deductive reasoning with clear data. A creative team might respond better to inductive reasoning that explores possibilities. Your colleague who processes information slowly needs more time and context. Your manager who moves fast needs the bottom line first.
Here’s my challenge to you: in your next three conversations this week, focus entirely on listening. Don’t plan your response while the other person is talking. Just listen. Notice what shifts. Then in your next important presentation or pitch, structure your message strategically based on your audience’s needs and time constraints.
Because the professionals who have the most influence aren’t the best talkers. They’re the best listeners who know how to structure their message strategically. Which will you become?